These are the jokes you should send to your friends
This has done the email rounds a few times, but I thought it may as well be shared again.
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he [...]
A couple middle school boys are innocently hanging out watching TV when all of a sudden the SWAT team bursts in and scares the living crap out of one kid in particular.
Hilarious Swat Team Prank
Fat kids are funny!
The “SWAT” team was actually a couple of 16 year olds.
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver’s license?
Driver: I don’t have one. It was revoked when I got my 5th DWI.
Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?
Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That’s right. [...]
An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She’s chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful blood curdling screams.
“Don’t worry about that,” says St. Peter, “it’s only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings.”
The old lady [...]
This was sent to me and well worth a post!
I have two dogs and I was buying a large bag of Pal (Dog Food) at Big W and standing inline at the check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Pal [...]
Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women’s breast implants.
The iTit will cost $499 or $599 depending on speaker size.
This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening [...]
A man’s car broke down as he was driving past a beautiful, old monastery. He walked up the drive and knocked on the front door of the monastery. A monk answered, listened to the man’s story and graciously invited him to spend the night.
The monks fed the man and led him to a tiny [...]
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty [...]
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what’s wrong.
“Well,” replies Paul, “you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?”
“Yes,” replies Jeff with a laugh.
“Well,” says Paul, straightening up, [...]
Ricky Gervais from the Office (Original UK Version) talks about the bible and creationism during his “Animals” standup routine.
Long, but worth it. Very funny stuff!
