To operate this device you simply put the “nipple” in your mouth and begin to suck. The sucking action draws in a delicious and nutritious milkshake-like fluid into which digital information has been embedded. As the fluid passes through the nipple, the embedded information is read by digitally sensitized nano-nozzles. At the same time, the energy of the moving fluid is captured by tiny turbines which generate an electrical current that powers video goggles and earphones.

When the recording has been consumed, the eTit itself can also be eaten. It also is quite tasty, resembling in both texture and flavor a sugar cone after the ice cream has been eaten out of it.

Industry analysts are enthusiastic about this new technology, as are recording artists, because each recording can only be audited once. “This is like totally awesome!” raved pop ingenue Sukey Tawdrey when our roving reporter caught up with her as she emerged from her signature pink Mustang just outside of Brad Pitt’s Malibu hideaway. “I mean, it so takes care of the pirating thing that was like robbing artists such as myself totally blind! It’s the American dream, right? Whether you’re talking casinos, sex, music, videos, or whatever, like you gotta pay to play. That’s what America is all about, am I right? I mean, that’s like why God loves us more than he loves other people. I mean, not that he doesn’t love other people, too! Of course he does, I mean he’s God! He loves everybody. But just, like, that that’s why he loves us more.”

On the New York Stock Exchange Microsoft jumped 19.6 points in the first hour of trading after eTit was announced this morning.

This product not recommended for infants under six months, pregnant women, or those trying to lose weight.