iTit – Apple’s Latest
May 22nd, 2007
Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women’s breast implants.
The iTit will cost $499 or $599 depending on speaker size.
This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Steve Jobs may be clever, but Bill Gates understands money. Microsoft announced this morning that it has developed a consumable music and video recording medium that is edible. The eTit is an entirely edible music and video delivery system that runs on renewable, non-fossil fuel energy. (In its experimental phase it was also found to be helpful in reducing ex-smokers’ cravings.)
To operate this device you simply put the “nipple” in your mouth and begin to suck. The sucking action draws in a delicious and nutritious milkshake-like fluid into which digital information has been embedded. As the fluid passes through the nipple, the embedded information is read by digitally sensitized nano-nozzles. At the same time, the energy of the moving fluid is captured by tiny turbines which generate an electrical current that powers video goggles and earphones.
When the recording has been consumed, the eTit itself can also be eaten. It also is quite tasty, resembling in both texture and flavor a sugar cone after the ice cream has been eaten out of it.
Industry analysts are enthusiastic about this new technology, as are recording artists, because each recording can only be audited once. “This is like totally awesome!” raved pop ingenue Sukey Tawdrey when our roving reporter caught up with her as she emerged from her signature pink Mustang just outside of Brad Pitt’s Malibu hideaway. “I mean, it so takes care of the pirating thing that was like robbing artists such as myself totally blind! It’s the American dream, right? Whether you’re talking casinos, sex, music, videos, or whatever, like you gotta pay to play. That’s what America is all about, am I right? I mean, that’s like why God loves us more than he loves other people. I mean, not that he doesn’t love other people, too! Of course he does, I mean he’s God! He loves everybody. But just, like, that that’s why he loves us more.”
On the New York Stock Exchange Microsoft jumped 19.6 points in the first hour of trading after eTit was announced this morning.
This product not recommended for infants under six months, pregnant women, or those trying to lose weight.
The first song available for this new product is “The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of Music”…
I returned mine. Complaints: 1) bump in the midrange that gets worse in cold weather and/or rain.
2) Stereo works well, but the Surround feature is just flat scary. In my humble yet definitive opinion.
3) unnatural presentation, esp. at the frequency extremes or when jogging.
you mean doppler effect when jogging
i just want to know if it comes in a format paralell to the itouch?
@robert
lol nice
WT* is this thing? A bra that plays music??
Oh Lucy (Sara), le’me splain you…
Actually the bra-version will be Google’s answer to Apple’s iTit — in partnership with Victoria’s Secret of course! They’re going to call the line “TataTunes”! They’ll be available in a variety of styles and colors of course.
Who ever decided to invent this someone desperate for a marriage,kids and has to much time on their hands that they can’t find anything constructive to keep themsleves busey
oh come now, just a little humor lol
I’m rofl…ladies…are you BLONDE?
YES, the doggie sex toy is real (albeait the product of a deeply disturbed mind) but this is not real. Use common sense or…if you’re still unsure…google it…